i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
