I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize