apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
