You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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