After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
