Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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