tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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