the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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