Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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