I heard we made out
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
