I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
