Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
