I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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