My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
