Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
