so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
