I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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