it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
