You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
