so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
