She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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