my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize