I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
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If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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