We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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