Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
