The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
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I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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