I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
