I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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