i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
