They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
