He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
