The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
