Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
