She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
