im drinking this country out of the recession.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Fuck appropriateness.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
