Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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