dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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