i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
