my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
