Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
BRING THE BAGELS
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize