Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
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my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
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sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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