Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
