i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
