Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
