sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
