i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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