My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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