Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
