Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
