I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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