Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
