So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
