If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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