It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
