Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
