If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
