Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
