you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
