Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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