just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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