my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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