I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
