The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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