absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
