By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
