Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
