I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
