FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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