I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
